August 30, 2000
Susan McGinley
Divorce is painful enough without having lost a partner to confide in. Many women, left on their own with children to take care of and a life to rebuild, begin to discuss some of their frustrations and problems with their own children.
What these mothers choose to discuss with their daughters can influence the children's
emotional state, according to a study by the University of Arizona's College of Agricultural and LifeSciences.
Susan Silverberg Koerner, a professor in the family studies division of the School of Family and Consumer Resources, has completed a study that asked adolescent daughters and their divorced mothers just how they felt about these issues.
"We know there is a lot of
diversity among families where there is divorce," Koerner says."Some adults, children and
families are doing better than others." Not much research has been conducted in this area, so
Koerner had to narrow her focus to a manageable study population. Her project focused on the
mother-daughter relationship within the first two years following the mother's divorce. At least
one of the children had to be an adolescent girl between the ages of 11and 17.
Koerner selected her subjects by perusing divorce records at courthouses in Pima and Maricopa
counties, and four rural counties in Southern Arizona. She and her students obtained a random
sample of cases filed between May 1994 and July 1995, sent out letters and questionnaires, and
eventually received full, valid responses from 62 mother-daughter dyads (pairs).
"I don't want my daughter to know just how bad our money problems are." --Mother of 12-year-old daughter
"My mother does not like my father, and openly expresses this for my benefit to know his true
side. I hate this. I do not like being in the middle of my parents. I am not always sure what to
believe because my dad seems different with me, when I see him."
--A 16-year-old daughter
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Each mother and daughter filled out separate, private detailed questionnaires. Part of the
survey instrument contained forced-choice questions for statistical analysis; the other featured open-ended questions where the respondent could write about feelings and perceptions that could be categorized and analyzed.
"We looked at the extent to which mothers disclose personal information, concerns, feelings
and complaints to their daughters," Koerner explains. "We covered a range of topics, from leisure issues, hair and makeup, to disclosure about financial concerns, the mother's complaints and anger about the ex-husband, and the mother's talk about sexuality needs and experiences."
The lengthy questionnaire also asked about men in relationships, and the extent to which
daughters act as an emotional support or giver of advice to the mother. The survey was part of a
larger study, the Mother-Daughter Life Transition Project.
Koerner concentrated on three main disclosure topic areas: the mother's financial concerns, the mother's complaints/anger toward the ex-husband (the adolescent girl's father), and
intimacy/sexuality needs of the mother. She chose these areas because they may emerge or intensify following divorce, because they are considered either private or taboo, and because they can be emotionally sensitive. In short, they might be construed as topics that would "place daughters at some risk for adjustment difficulties," according to Koerner.
Overall, the survey results showed that most of the mothers had discussed their financial situation and expressed complaints or anger about their ex-husbands with their daughters; not all
of them discussed sexual intimacy. The amount of detail and the motivations for these talks varied, depending on the subject. Some mothers were just letting off steam, giving information,
or trying to build a closer relationship. Others said they specifically brought these subjects up for the daughter's benefit, to influence her impression or view of the father or of the divorce in general.
The depth of maternal disclosure regarding finances and anger toward the ex-husband appeared to be associated with depressive symptoms (not clinical depression) in the daughters' reports. These included feeling hurt, torn, upset or confused. Disclosure from the mother regarding sexual intimacy, on the other hand, was positively related to the daughters' problem and risk behavior only. Risk behavior included drinking, smoking cigarettes, taking drugs, or having dating/sexual problems.
"Yet when we looked at the larger picture of mother disclosure to daughters about men in
relationships in general, that was unrelated to the daughters' mental health or problem/risk
behavior," Koerner adds.
In addition, daughters who had a tendency to worry about their mothers were more likely
to report negative or depressive feelings if their mothers talked in detail with them about these topics. Surprisingly, the daughter's age did not seem to be related to her degree of discomfort as a result of these discussions.
Koerner is quick to point out that mother-daughter communication is a good thing as long as
mothers remain aware of the effects some of their talks can have on their daughters.
"The implications here are for family life educators and counselors," she says. "We do
want to encourage mothers and daughters to have strong relationships. Now we're helping mothers to see where they can build a strong relationship and where there are more sensitive issues."
- Updated: August 30, 2000
