Mothers Turn to Their Adolescent Daughters
The effects of confiding after divorce

Divorce is painful enough without having lost a partner to confide in. Many women, left on their own with children to take care of and a life to rebuild, begin to discuss some of their frustrations and problems with their own children. These women may have lost their support group and may be unwilling to turn to other relatives for support. No one really knows what effect this type of conversation has on sons and daughters. Do they become more anxious or depressed? Do they want to take care of their mothers or avoid the whole problem by indulging in risky behavior?

Susan Silverberg, a professor in the family studies division of the School of Family and Consumer Resources, recently completed a study that asked adolescent daughters and their divorced mothers just how they felt about these issues.

"We know there is a lot of diversity among families where there is divorce," Silverberg says. "Some adults, children and families are doing better than others." Not much research has been conducted in this area, so Silverberg had to narrow her focus to a manageable study population. Her project focused on the mother-daughter relationship within the first two years following the mother's divorce. At least one of the children had to be an adolescent girl between the ages of 11 and 17.

Attempting to make the group representative of southern Arizona, Silverberg selected her subjects by perusing divorce records at courthouses in Pima and Maricopa counties, and four rural counties in southern Arizona. Assisting her were a number of very able graduate and undergraduate students. They obtained a random sample of cases filed between May 1994 and July 1995, sent out letters and questionnaires, and eventually received full, valid responses from 62 mother-daughter dyads (pairs).

Each mother and daughter filled out separate, private detailed questionnaires. Part of the survey instrument contained forced-choice questions for statistical analysis; the other featured open-ended questions where the respondent could write about feelings and perceptions that could be categorized and analyzed.

To prepare the survey instrument, Silverberg conducted focus groups with a few mothers who had been divorced and had adolescent daughters. This helped the team in adding questions and response choices they might not have developed on their own.

"We looked at the extent to which mothers disclose personal information, concerns, feelings and complaints to their daughters," Silverberg explains. "We covered a range of topics, from leisure issues, hair and makeup, to disclosure about financial concerns, the mother's complaints and anger about the ex-husband, and the mother's talk about sexuality needs and experiences." The lengthy questionnaire also asked about men in relationships, and the extent to which daughters act as an emotional support or giver of advice to the mother. The survey was part of a larger study, the Mother-Daughter Life Transition Project.

Silverberg concentrated on three main disclosure topic areas: the mother's financial concerns, the mother's complaints/anger toward the ex-husband (the adolescent girl's father), and intimacy/sexuality needs of the mother. She chose these areas because they may emerge or intensify following divorce, because they are considered either private or taboo, and because they can be emotionally sensitive. In short, they might be construed as topics that would "place daughters at some risk for adjustment difficulties," according to Silverberg.

As influencing factors, she looked at the age of the daughters and whether or not they tended to worry about their mothers. Overall, the survey results showed that most of the mothers had discussed their financial situation and expressed complaints or anger about their ex-husbands with their daughters; not all of them discussed sexual intimacy. The amount of detail and the motivations for these talks varied, depending on the subject. Some mothers were just letting off steam, giving information, or trying to build a closer relationship. Others said they specifically brought these subjects up for the daughter's benefit, to influence her impression or view of the father or of the divorce in general.

As might be guessed, the daughters' responses varied with the type of topic. The most emotional responses resulted from the questions about the mothers' discussing her attitude toward her ex-husband with the daughter. This type of disclosure revealed relatively high levels of emotional intensity, Silverberg says. The depth of maternal disclosure regarding finances and anger toward the ex-husband appeared to be associated with depressive symptoms (not clinical depression) in the daughters' reports. These included feeling hurt, torn, upset or confused. Disclosure from the mother regarding sexual intimacy, on the other hand, was positively related to the daughters' problem and risk behavior only. Risk behavior included drinking, smoking cigarettes, taking drugs, or having dating/sexual problems.

"Yet when we looked at the larger picture of mother disclosure to daughters about men in relationships in general, that was unrelated to the daughters' mental health or problem/risk behavior," Silverberg adds.

Individual disposition made a difference as well: daughters who had a tendency to worry about their mothers were more likely to report negative or depressive feelings if their mothers talked in detail with them about these topics. Surprisingly, the daughter's age did not seem to be related to her degree of discomfort as a result of these discussions.

Silverberg is quick to point out that mother-daughter communication is a good thing as long as mothers remain aware of the effects some of their talks can have on their daughters.

"The implications here are for family life educators and counselors," she says. "We do want to encourage mothers and daughters to have strong relationships. Now we're helping mothers to see where they can build a strong relationship and where there are more sensitive issues."


Article Written by Susan McGinley, ECAT, College of Agriculture
This is part of the 1998 Arizona Experiment Station Research Report
This document is located at http://ag.arizona.edu/pubs/general/resrpt1998/divorce.html
Return to index for 1998 report

Researcher:

Susan Silverberg, School of Family and Consumer Resources, Division on Family Studies
Phone: (520) 621-7172
ssilver@ag.arizona.edu